| Talmudic Humour: Take 1 |
1) Babylonian Talmud, Chagigah 14b-15a“May a high priest marry a virgin who has become pregnant?” 2a) Deuteronomy 22:10“You shall not plough with an ox and an ass together” 2b) Babylonian Talmud, Bava Kama 55a“Rechaba asked, ‘What is the law if someone drives his wagon using a goat and a fish?’” 3) Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 59bRabbi Shimon b. Chalafta was walking on the path when he encountered lions. They roared at him. He quoted the verse (Psalms 104:21), “The young lions roar for their prey,” and two pieces of meat miraculously fell from heaven. The lions ate one of the pieces and left over the other piece. Rabbi Shimon took the piece of meat to the academy and asked whether it was clean or unclean [i.e., is it kosher and allowed to be eaten]. He was told: Nothing unkosher descends from heaven. Rabbi Zera asked Rabbi Abuhu: If a piece of meat resembling a donkey [an unkosher animal] falls from heaven, may it be eaten? Rabbi Abuhu replied: Foolish yarod [a desert bird possibly related to an ostrich], they already told you that nothing unkosher descends from heaven. 4) Babylonian Talmud, Avodah Zarah 16b-17aOnce, I was walking in the upper market of Sepphoris when I encountered someone by the name of Yaakov of Kefar Sekania. He said to me: It says in your Torah (Deuteronomy 23:19), “Do not bring a prostitute’s fee or the price of a dog into the house of your Lord.” May one use such a donation for the purpose of building a toilet for the high priest? I did not answer him. He then said to me: This is what I was taught. It says (Micah 1:7): “From the prostitute’s fee it gathered and to the prostitute’s fee shall they return,” the money came from a filthy place so let it return to a filthy place. 5) Babylonian Talmud, Chullin 70aWhat is the law if a weasel inserts its head into a pregnant animal’s womb, takes the fetus into its mouth and pulls it out of the womb and then the weasel reinserts its head into the womb of another animal and spits out the fetus, who then emerges naturally [and is now the first-born]? What is the law if the wombs of two animals become attached and the fetus leaves one womb and enters the other womb, and then emerges from the latter womb [is it a first-born or not]? 6) Babylonian Talmud, Niddah 23aRabbi Yirmiyah asked Rabbi Zera: According to Rabbi Meir, who says that if a woman aborts a fetus that looks like an animal it is considered a valid abortion [and the woman becomes ritually unclean just as if she had aborted a human], what is the law if the father receives for the “animal” born from a woman a token of betrothal. Is the person considered married to the “animal?” ...To such an extent did Rabbi Yirmiyah try to make Rabbi Zera laugh, but he would not laugh. 7) Babylonian Talmud, Bava Bathra 23bA baby pigeon that is found within fifty cubits of a coop belongs to the coop’s owner [the assumption is that it came from the coop]. If it is found outside the fifty cubits, then it belongs to the finder [the assumption being that it came from the wild]. Rabbi Yirmiyah asked: If one foot of the pigeon is within the fifty cubits and one foot is outside, to whom does it belong?...It was for this that they expelled Rabbi Yirmiyah from the academy. 8) Babylonian Talmud, Nazir 34aIf a person saw a Koy and said [i.e., vows]: I am a Nazirite if that is a wild beast; a second person said: I am a Nazirite if that is not a wild beast; a third person said: I am a Nazirite if that is cattle; a fourth person said: I am a Nazirite if that is not cattle; a fifth person said: I am a Nazirite if that is both a wild beast and cattle; a sixth person said: I am a Nazirite if that is neither wild beast or cattle; a seventh person said: I am a Nazirite if one of you is a Nazirite; an eighth person said: I am a Nazirite if none of you is a Nazirite; a ninth person said: I am a Nazirite if all of you are Nazirites; then they all become Nazirites. Compiled by David Goldman
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